What If?

Since I missed yesterday’s daily prompt, I’m going to combine yesterday’s and today’s because, to me, they go together in my “what if?” scenario.

what if

You see, I’d always entertained the idea of studying at Dartmouth, in pursuit of my B.A. in English Education. I’d planned to go on to get my Master’s in something English and then my Ph.D.–I’d even figured out I was going to go the Latin route for the language I had to learn–in, again, something English. My ultimate goal was to teach upper level college literature.

I’ve always had a passion for teaching, and my ideal setting was in teaching upperclassmen in college. Why? Simply because they would most likely actually want to be there, learning the material I was teaching.

None of that happened, though. Rather, I attended Pensacola Christian College for a year, then went on staff for about half a year before having my four brain surgeries. I was also in an extremely abusive relationship. Let’s just say, none of my “what if’s?” were panning out.

Fast-forward ten years. I’ve had nine more brain surgeries and haven’t furthered my education due to my health. However, I have had opportunities to encourage people with my story; I was able to volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center for a while; and I did marry someone I met at the beginning of college and now have a step-daughter due to that.

So although none of my “what if’s?” actually came about, I don’t often ask “what if?” because I’m usually pretty happy with how my life’s turned out. It’s still hard, many times, and I’m facing new challenges as of just the other day. But…I also have an amazing opportunity that just came up little over an hour ago. So, I’m not unhappy. I’m ok with my “what if’s?” just staying, well, “if’s” without worrying about what would’ve happened.

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One thought on “What If?

  1. Pingback: Author Interview – Shawn L. Bird – “Grace Awakening” Series (Young Adult Fantasy) “Murdering Mr. Edwards: Tales from Canterbury High” (Short Story Noir) & Poetry Collections | toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish)

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